Spotted in special offers to come in a well known chain store. Is this a new departure into personal hygiene?

Assorted Plughole Care Products
Choose from: Kitchen Drain Clear, Kitchen Sink Fresh, Bathroom Drain Clear, Bathroom Sink Fresh. Price per item.

Forgive me if I am being naive and unkowledgeable but, I always thought that the TeleTubbies were just very friendly babes who cooed and ooowee'd at one another in their own inimitable fashion. I always knew they had names, not that I am particularly familiar with them, or which name is assigned to which one, nor if they are gender assigned.

Our household was a Sesame Street one and by the time the TeleTubbies series was introduced to children's TV we no longer tuned in to childrens' TV programmes. What little I know of the TeleTubbies, has been obtained by glimpses of the programme when visiting other people whose babes or grandchildren have been thumb-suckingly glued to the pictures on the TV, or from hearing the occasional media report as the programmers were feted worldwide for their invention

Then, more recently, I heard a news report which stated that the Polish people are to be asked if Tinky Winky might encourage the development of homosexuality because Tinky Winky carries a handbag. Just for the record, I sometimes carry a handbag and I use a shoulder bag, many people do.

More to the point however, it appears that this survey is linked with the possible introduction of a regulation in Poland that no homosexual teachers will be allowed to be employed to teach in Polish schools.

She has managed arrive in Kiev just when there is a build up of tension between the prime minister and his president; one is pro-Western, according to the media political analysts, and the other pro-Russian

News programmes and bulletins last night ominously stated that troops loyal to the different individuals (there are two kings in this game of chess) were called to Kiev yesterday, at best, each to protect their own, at worst, each to fight a civil war.

With a new day, we hear that the two 'kings' have been talking. They have stepped back from the abyss, for now. It has been announced that new political elections will take place in the Ukraine.

Two texts later, one from her mum and one from her dad there is a continuing silence.

Once you're in your early 40's it's safe to class you as a technophobe; the signs are that you need help with understanding how to work MP3's and you require assistance in setting up video and DVD recorders. You therefore, enlist the knowledge and skills of the young people around you. If you are in your early fifties, you are very definitely a technophobe, not knowing how to deal with any of the IT technologies.

These words of wisdom derive from research undertaken by that august academic body known as, PayPal. These results, based on variables such as the ages of the condemned element of our mature society and some items of electronic equipment, are breathtakingly patronising. Where in this world were the sample populations based?

I wonder if PayPal have sampled the age groups of the people who use their internet payment system. It wouldn't be necessary to know whether their users were technological literati as anyone who uses the PayPal system must, by virtue of their subscription to the service and use of it, have sufficient knowledge and ability with information technology to be able to access PayPal services.

Many older and wiser people may choose not to use a service like PayPal. That does not mean, however, that they do not understand the daily use of technology.

Honestly and truly, who do this group of 'researchers' think discovered, researched and developed the technology that is in daily use in modern society? So they don't have to research it, I'll make it easy for these people and tell them the answer.

The generation that PayPal's research accuses of being technophobic, has provided you, me, the younger generations and and everyone else with the wonders of the information and media technology revolution.

Mars & Co. are a cynical bunch, though the way the alleged success of various foodie groups is being reported, you would be forgiven for thinking that I might be the only person around to consider it so.

Why would a company that makes well known and beloved sweetie bars, like Mars Bars, want to suddenly commit commercial suicide by announcing they will use animal products from here-on-in, in the manufacture of their major selling lines?

1. The sweeties aren't selling in the volume the company is used to.
2. Battered and fried Mars Bars must have gone out of fashion.
3. The sales figures need urgently increasing to monstrous figures.
4. Advertising is expensive; imaginative advertising is required.

Boardroom brainstorming - "let's announce we're using animal renet from now on and generate a frenzy amongst the vegetarian fraternity".

Vegetarians are, after all, a large minority in the population, large enough to make a loud fuss, "oh, and by the way, haven't they got a Vegetarian Society who can front up as pressure group leaders... goody, goody, they will encourage interest in the media to report this alarming development."

In one fell swoop, advertising of proportions too costly to generate from the corporate sales budget is manipulated out of the media news hounds, who smell a bit of chocolate-coated caramel people frenzy and increased news interest. The Vegetarian Society is flushed with pride and success at their powers of persuasion in getting Mars and Company to "backtrack". Everyone is happy. D

-- THE END --

Why oh why, when I have almost achieved completion of a large task on my roll over 'to do' list, I cannot find the last little notch to finish it off.

I can clearly see what is missing; can I lay my hands on what is missing, no! If I could just experience a useful brainwave, it could resolve everything. The job could be at an end and I would, with a flourish of my pen, cross it off the list.

Urrrgh

Outside it is unspeakable, the wind howls, branches on trees groan, blooming bushes heavily sway. There's been a gale blowing for a day and a half now and the sun shines, it grins down at us.

I was speaking with a someone yesterday, a woman in her forties, who took me aback; she cited the Portugese as being 'ungrateful people', having had one holiday there. She must have seen the look of horror on my face as I repeated back to her what she said.

Feet-in-mouth, very substantial feet, in fact, spilled out. It seems she has this superiority idea that a nation's peoples should be grateful that we are prepared to go to their country and spend money on holidays for ourselves. The holiday should be provided for with appropriate obsequiousness and gushing friendliness to the whole family for the whole period of the stay. They (the Portugese), are a cold people, and unfriendly, this person said.

I say you reap what you sow.

Last night I watched Esther Rantzen walk through loss of a partner and ways of preparing for a good death. I found it compulsive viewing. Why oh why was it on so late, 11pm -1am.

Death is not in my view, a taboo subject; we know it is inevitable. One of the core tenets of the programme was about honest and effective communication with everyone involved with the death of a loved one, including the person who was dying.

Was this programme deemed too sensitive, too disturbing, to be shown at a time when a large section of the population might be viewing? If so, I think the media managers are reinforcing an inappropriate sense of taboo; they are denying the subject the major dissemination it should have and the widespread honesty that it craves and deserves.

Today, apart from being rained and hailed upon, waiting in the wind and cold for someone who had already arrived but I hadn't seen, I had three bits of really good news.

1. I received a tiny windfall - very nice, every little helps and is gratefully accepted.

2. A friend I had encouraged to return to her degree studies when she had notified her tutor she had given up, let it drop in conversation that she had been awarded her degree and will graduate in July.

3. At tea time my daughter phoned to have a 'wow' conversation, as she'd got top marks for a university assignment.

...and tonight it's sunny.

Recently, thieves escaped with two life size cut outs of police officers aimed at reducing shoplifting at a supermarket. The 'officers' were on duty outside Morrisons in Kilmarnock, Ayreshire, before they vanished. One 'Officer' has since been recovered, unharmed.

Could this be the latest in Drive-Thru services?

Last week I made shortbread biscuits in my traditional baking class; I think we'll be eating the biscuits for another week or so, there were rather a lot. I tuck into the occasional one. I also made a roll of shortbread dough to cut into thick rounds, known as 'Highlanders' or 'medallions'. There was no time to prepare and cook them, so the shortbread dough roll is still in the fridge, here at home. There's no point in cooking more biscuits for another few days, at least.

This week is week five and it's a cake making evening. I think on balance, with so many biscuits to eat up and more waiting to be baked, I'll give the class a miss. That should make room for whatever we make in the final class in week six. A traditional baking tea party is planned. It means that in all likelihood, we'll be producing dropped scones, baked scones and probably some type of pancake.

I won't produce anymore Aberdeen Rowies, or butteries, as they are locally known. This is an ideal kids cookery item (but only well supervised though with lots of space) as the mess and the squidge is something to feel and behold. It beats playdough and wet sand.

It's all over for now, bar the singing and shouting, the Scottish Election votes have been counted. There hasn't been much singing and most of the shouting has come from perturbed, prospective members of parliament, disgruntled voters as well as returning officers, who signalled failings with the new scanning machinery that was meant to make the counting process easier.

As usual, expensive technology that has not been tried in testing circumstances has failed to deliver its promise when put to the test. In Aberdeen, it was reported that one poll returning officer sent his staff home after the machinery had churned back its umpteenth rejection of the voting papers. As I understand it, a careful manual check has to be kept on technological rejections. The staff returned the next day to deal with a recount of the votes.

Voting was an unnecessarily confusing affair; there were two papers both of which had to remain utterly flat. All our lives, we have been educated to fold up our voting papers once the vote has been made and now, not only has that habit to be reversed but we were expected to vote in NUMBER preference order for our local councillors, that is unheard of - 'what, no crosses!'

Then, we had two more votes, a regional parliamentary preference and a parliament, parliamentary preference. There were two different coloured columns to denote which preference/s the individual was voting for this time. Crosses were required for both, not numbers.

To keep me right, I took the instruction leaflet that was delivered on how to cast votes. I carefully followed them and I didn't see the instruction in faded grey on the back of the councillor voting paper that stated, DO NOT FOLD. It was too late when I did see it; I hastily flattened out the paper, I even tried ironing the darn thing with my hand.

There was nothing for it but to own up, so I popped my head out of the voting booth to admit my folding error to the polling clerk. I rather hoped I would elicit some sympathy and the offer of another white voting sheet. "Can't you read!" she snapped. Boy, I was angry and I felt my hackles rise. I composed myself, so as not to reduce myself to her level. When done, the two pieces of paper, both flat (one more than the other) were slid into separate containers.

There were 100,000 'spoiled' ballot papers in this election. From a small population of about 5-6 million people, that is appalling. Spoiling could have been simply what I did, indadvertantly fold a paper, placing crosses instead of numbers, too many crosses in one column and so on. Some papers would have been purposely spoiled, but not 100,000 of them.

The Electoral Commission who it seems gave all sorts of permissions for the way this election was run, (including blatant electioneering on the parliamentary ballot paper which is, I am sure, illegal under electoral legislation), has decided to initiate an enquiry into the débacle of the polling arrangements and the counting facilities.

Now we the electorate wait to see what deals will or won't be done. There is a hung, proportionally represented parliament, with the Nationalist party gaining one more seat than the Labour Party. There is a healthy showing of Liberal Democrats, sixteen Conservatives (they used to be known as The Unionist and Conservative Party) they previously had no seats in the devolved 'first past the post' parliament and there are three 'others'. What interesting bedfellows will we see, particularly as only one of the parties, the Nationalist Party, stands for total devolution from Union with England?

One thing is certain, if deals can't be struck to create a Scottish Government from the results of this vote, within a month, new elections will have to be held - Oh glory! At least we don't have to choose our councillors again.

A RIDDLE

I went to the wood and got it,
I sat me down and looked for it.
The more I searched for it, the less I liked it.
And I brought it home because I couldn't find it.

RHYME

When the rain raineth
And the Goose winketh,
Little wotteth the Gosling
What the goose Thinketh.

From: The Less Familiar Nursery Rhymes (1927,1931) Ed.H Wolfe.

Yesterday, I received a private mail via details obtained from my blog. I was very obviously being propositioned, and I believe by a woman, who described herself as very beautiful. She did not want replies via her blog. Her blog site was devoid of content; it was very clear that setting up a blog here was a necessity for gaining access to bloggers.

I wonder if she had any takers?